so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
