After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
