And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
