May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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