I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
