So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Randomize
