community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
