and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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