I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
