I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
