A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
