You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
being pregnant is like rehab
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
