what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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