You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize