Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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