but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm having to shit out rocks
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
