hell yes lets make some ravioli
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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