Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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