You really coming over, don't trick.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize