you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
