you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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