I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
