peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
