im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
