Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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