I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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