So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
