At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
