My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
