I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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