he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize