Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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