so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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