just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
