You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
