Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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