Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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