ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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