in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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