I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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