When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
