Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
