I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
