It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
