You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize