He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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