God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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