i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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