Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Randomize