the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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