Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
