dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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