Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize