girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
