I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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