I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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