is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
