maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
