I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
