you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
