She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Is it because I queefed?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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