is your mom at the bar?
another moral hangover. fuck.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
