hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
