and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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