I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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