proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
