i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
