did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize