Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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