JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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