onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
