Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
