Pants 0. Shit 1.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
