do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
