I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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