Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
