? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
