i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Randomize
