I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
tell me about the eggs
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
