you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
