You can't special order awesome
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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