K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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