I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
