are you still at the devil's house?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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