Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
