you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
