playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
