i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
