Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize