I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
we're so committed to being not committed
I wear drunk well.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
