get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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