You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
