Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
