Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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