If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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