i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
