A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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