There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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