the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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