What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
