Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I came so hard my ears popped.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
